(I copied some of my journal in here, but kept some parts out).
So,
I decided first to write in this journal instead of type in my blog because these thoughts are more private.
What I mean by that is I feel like the universe has given me clues on how it works and it doesn't want me to spill them to the rest.
OR-----
The idea sounds so pathetic,
inconceivable,
and chaotic
that people will consider me mental
OR----
Sometimes people want to keep things to themselves. Especially when those things connect the others that are now public but wished were still secretive...I guess, you know, the always "mysterious" person is generally sexy as fuck.
AND____
adding:
1) Pretend you are driving, and all of a sudden you startle yourself because you find that you weren't paying attention-and you aren't in a wreck. SHOCKER. You are now where you need to be.
2) You are carefree, singing a song, coming into contact with a seemingly familiar human. Seconds later, the shock (of discovering the human you thought was alive is actually dead and in ghost form) never leaves your memory.
3) Personal relationships signify: YOU MULTIPLIED 1,000,000. But, maybe not. It could be: y o u d i v i d e d b y 1 , 0 0 0 , 0 0 0. Either way, a dent is formed. You could look at the dent from one side (X 1,000,000) and feel that you have created a bowl to collect rain - or from the other ( / 1 , 0 0 0 , 0 0 0 ) and know the dent repels water. water = what you want it to be.
4) You feel that your life is actually not continuous; no - sometimes you grow younger.
5) Somebody tells you their thoughts regarding life and death.
6) You go through an intensive panic which slows time, regarding dying and becoming a bland, touchless shade of darkening silence.
7) Yoga Class. Physical real strength. Birthing cells - producing sweat reminding yourself you are alive. Using your mind to appreciate this moment right now, swallowing those previous fears about dying; using them as nutrition to keep your current, impermanent dreams alive.
8) Oh yes, thanks Kirk. Nothing is permanent.
9) Remembering dreams that are always with you.
10) Not remembering them, but having them remember you.
AND
I could go on and on about those billions of supposed periods in my life where I only feel produced this not-so-sudden epiphany. I can't tell you what it is. Why the hell did you read all this shit in the first place?
